I meditate everyday. I prepare my mediation space each morning with the diligence of a Tibetan monk. The meditation cushion must be in the same spot, facing the same direction. I prepare a candle and settle in for a hopeful moment of peace and quiet from my neurotic self.
I am, like many people, neurotic and trend that very fine line of obsessive compulsive quite well. Perhaps it’s more of a need to control and preferring things done my way which is, of course, the right way. But I am quite neurotic about order, structure, routine (oh, routine how I love a good routine!) and learning to meditate has been a challenging yet rewarding experience.
It is quite an interesting combination of being a free-spirited yoga instructor and control freak. For instance, the other day I was preparing to start a yoga class and as I was lovingly looking around the room at my students, I noticed some extra straps and blocks were left out of the equipment storage area. My free spirited self floated right out of that room. I promptly got up and had to put the equipment away before I could begin. Just the idea of something out of place sends chills down to my spine.
So, you can see how meditating is an interesting development for me. I suffer from what a fellow yoga instructor calls “monkey mind” which means as soon as I close my eyes my mind turns on – full volume. To-do lists begin to emerge, ideas for dinner, what I’m going to wear the next day, anytime and everything begins to fill up my once empty mind. From then on out forget about it.
I have had to learn to compromise with my mind to give a bit of time of serenity by actually telling it that “I hear you but can you give me 15 minutes of quiet so I may concentrate – I will come right back to you?” I’ve started watching my caffeine in-take prior to meditating (yes, I’m serious about meditation) and preparing my meditation area to be as peaceful as possible. But the most important thing I’m learning is to not try and control my mind, or neurotic ways, but to accept and embrace them. I mean, they are apart of me so why can’t they join me for meditating too. Some days are just blissful and I feel as though I’m floating through a sky of calm, quiet and peace. Other days it’s like trying to control a three-year old wound up on sugar. I embrace both days equally as well as neurotic self because isn’t that meditation is suppose to be about? Learning to accept yourself and opening yourself up to your inner self.